I Watch You: The Awkward Art of Pretending You Don't See Your Ex

The Life of a Modern Renaissance Man: A Video Journal, entry 5

Do you remember parties? Actual parties, where you could stand in a room full of people without first evaluating the air circulation? In 2020, those memories felt like scenes from a different civilization.

One particular social ritual inspired I Watch You: seeing an ex across the room while both of you pretend the other person is completely irrelevant. You're laughing with somebody new, making suspiciously deliberate eye contact with everyone except the one person you're checking for, and basically performing emotional espionage.

I wrote the poem about that dance of pride, jealousy, curiosity, and unfinished business. It's funny how quickly we can turn a casual night out into an elaborate public-relations campaign. Suddenly a perfectly innocent Instagram photo is a press release. Everybody's smiling. Nobody is normal.

The piece also forced me to think about accountability and closure. I was proud that I'd reached a point where I could have positive relationships with people from my past. The emotional games in the poem were recognizable precisely because I'd learned how exhausting they could be.

I love spoken word because I can cram an entire emotional argument into a few minutes and make the rhythm carry it. This one is romantic, petty, self-aware, and occasionally way too honest. Which, in fairness, describes a lot of human dating history.