Standing in the Doorway: The Longest Five Seconds of My Romantic Life

The Life of a Modern Renaissance Man: A Video Journal, entry 7

There are few places more psychologically dangerous than the doorway at the end of a good night with somebody you like.

You're standing there. They're standing there. You have a perfectly functional mouth, and somehow it has lost the ability to form a sentence. Do you say goodnight? Do you say how you really feel? Do you risk changing a friendship that means something to you?

Standing in the Doorway grew out of my own fear and regret around friendships complicated by attraction. I wrote it as a spoken-word piece because I wanted to capture all the unspoken dialogue happening beneath a ridiculously normal moment. On the outside, somebody is politely saying goodbye. On the inside, a full romantic courtroom drama is in session.

The poem is funny to me because desire can make intelligent people behave like malfunctioning robots. It's also tender because friendship, vulnerability, timing, and consent deserve real consideration. Saying something honest matters. Respecting somebody else's response matters, too.

This is one of those pieces that still pulls at me emotionally. I have learned that avoiding discomfort doesn't always protect a relationship, and forcing a moment doesn't create one. Sometimes the brave thing is telling the truth and letting the other person be free to answer it.